Isn't it Ironic?

Isn't it ironic that the answers to almost all of the questions in Alanis Morissette's hit song are properly answered in the negative?  Do most people think that usually turning 98 causes you to not win the lottery?  I would think that the assumption would be that the older you are, the more likely you are to win, since many states (including my home state of Pennsylvania) run the lottery to benefit their older citizens.  What would be ironic would be if the old man had realized he'd won, decided to go and buy himself some really good health insurance (instead of that Canadian style stuff Obama wants to give him) and while just outside the health insurance store, he got hit by a bus.  And the bus was full of hipsters wearing secondhand Air Supply shirts.  Although I have to admit, finding a black fly in your chardonnay is ironic, since everyone knows black flies only drink, swim in and die in red wines.  

But really what I want to talk to you about, is music.  In a way.  I was sitting in my copyright class today (featuring Tim Wu, probably the most entertaining Law Professor I've ever had, and in a much better way than the usual 'the plaid of his bow-tie doesn't match the golf shoes he forgot to take off' sense), and we're talking about the Napster case.  Before you (and yes, I'm aware that there is no "you" at this point, feel free to look at any of my other Walrus Ennui jokes) stop reading for fear of some legal summary, this class topic just reminded me of the by-gone era where music sharing was widespread.  I'd also like to take the step of pointing out that any descriptions of my past actions in this archived and discoverable public speech should be assumed to be false.  I know the RIAA has stopped suing people, but nothing is forever.  

I remember in high school thinking that it was strange that older people tend to not be into new music, but rather just listen to the music that was cool when they were teens/early 20s.  I thought, this will never happen to me.  I'd never stop listening to the radio, and I'd keep getting new music.  

Star wipe to now, and all most worst fears (which is to say, my worst fears that directly relate to continuing to keep up with popular music and discover new bands/music at that same high rate I did in high school) came true (parenthetical continuation: my worst fear probably involves bee-aliens attacking Eagles training camp at Leigh, or just a swarm of wasps).  I pretty much don't listen to the radio unless I'm at home and happen to be driving (and even then, only if I don't have my ipod and NPR isn't playing anything interesting).  I don't even listen to Internet radio or Pandora or any of those things.  I do buy new music occasionally, but most of that is small bands I already like.  

But!  I don't think this is because I'm old and uncool (I was never cool, and rarely young).  I think there is another factor in my (and my generations) case- free music from Napster and its Morpheus/Kazaa/Bit-torrent/etc. children.  Hypothetical me didn't even use Napster (I came late to the party, not because of my strong moral stance as a 16 year old), and got a large portion of my free/copyright violating hypothetical music from programs that simply abused iTunes to rip songs from other users whose music I could play over whatever networks I was on.  Still, I (and people of my age) (hypothetically) got more music than I could listen to in any sort of reasonable time, almost all of which was the popular (not necessarily pop, but common none-the-less).  This "filled my tank," as it were, and I haven't had nearly the incentive I used to have to get new songs to put into my brain.  This might have happened naturally, though purchasing more and more music, but it would have almost certainly have happened more slowly, and given my cheapness/poorness I would have continued to listen to radio (partially out of necessity) for much longer.  

This leads me to my conclusion: there is a god of coolness transfer, that works in mysterious ways to make sure most old people are uncool, possibly to prevent older men from interfering with the attempted mating of younger men.  I admit that this idea of a "god of things" comes from the Wuvian universe, in which there are gods of things like copyright, economics, and possibly Yoda fighting R2-D2.  This god provided this brief spurt of unlimited music deliberately to prevent people like me from keeping up with Vampire Weekend, thus keeping the world in its proper place.

Also, maybe the god just wanted to kill the music industry.

And finally: what kind of drugs would the Pillsbury Doughboy even be able to get high from?